As I have probably mentioned before, I have become a part of a youth group at school and I absolutely love it. It really has been a home away from home for me. I like Jason and his wife Charisma, and their two adorable little boys. I love the group's intern Liza, and just everyone in the group. Took Jiminy to it a few times and another friend. And a classmate of mine is in the group too! So for the past quarter I have been participating with the big groups and the women's bible study that is held at Jason and Charisma's house.
Just last week Jason asked me to meet up with him here at the school and talk with him one on one. He wanted to know more about me and what made me me in a sense I suppose. So I ended up telling him the majority of my life story, how I met Sunny, how I became a Christian, my relationship with my parents, my major habitual sins and brought up memories through talking with him that I haven't thought about in years.
I cried. He prayed for me, and then we parted. I thought about what he had to say in terms of how happy he was to have me as a part of the group and what a resource I was to the group, even though all that I do is attend and worship. Then last night I also went to the prayer meeting and prayed with them all, and they prayed for me too. The words that came to my mouth I can confidently say did not come from me. I felt the Holy Spirit fill me and cover me when I brought about the verses in Jeremiah. I lost my breath several times, tears welled up in my eyes, and my hands went numb. I could no longer feel them touching my brothers' hands.
Yesterday I fasted as to the advice of my groundwire.net mentor Chris, who I've been emailing back and forth for the last few days. I told him some of the things that's been weighing my heart down and he gave me several instructions. and every time he replies he gives me a new passage to read to help me. And he really is a blessing. The past few days have been mostly up but there have been a few downs, but I know God is there. He's always there, he never left, I did.
I've been praying for my position with the possible internship, with next quarter, with making disciples here at school. I'm excited to see who I can touch as much as Chris, Sunny, Jason, Charisma, ChachaBoo, PB&J, among other Christian friends that have helped me in my walk.
I plan to continue going deeper and rooting out the sin as much as I possibly can with the help of God and slowly I'm going to try and open up to those who are close to me in how I'm feeling and start really for sure, not just saying it to say it, but work on becoming holier, becoming a woman of God, someone that Sunny would want to marry not just someone who happens to be in a relationship with him based on the flesh.
God brought us together, God held us through some pretty hard times over the last 2 and a halfish years. I know that He wants us together, but my behavior towards Sunny among many other things in my life like pulling my hair and feeling sorry for myself and feeling insecure have got to stop and got to change. I got to stop hitting rock bottom. I got to start holding my own and show everyone that I can do this through Christ that I don't need anything else but Him, that he is the weaver of my fate. He puts these things good and bad in my life so that I can draw closer to Him and praise him.
I need Him, and you do too, whether you know it or not. If you have any questions my email is on my blogger profile or leave a comment and I'll try and answer questions. If I don't know right off the bat I can help find the information for you.
Till next time.